


Love is familiar

by aishiterumo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Agender Character, Childhood Friends, Coffee Shops, Coming Out, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Sex, Lovers to exes - Freeform, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Slice of Life, use of neopronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28247379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiterumo/pseuds/aishiterumo
Summary: Han Jisung grew up as a loner, until he found that one person that gave him the warmth and comfort he needed in his life. That one person, that became his other half... but was he, really?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Love is familiar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [krystine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/krystine/gifts).



> Hope you love your christmas gift, bub♡ Merry Christmas and be happy♡ Miss you♡

Love comes from familiarity. That’s what Jisung and Felix always believed, that’s also, somehow, how you could define their entire relationship, actually. Since the day they first set eyes on each other, it has been nothing but warmth and familiarity. And how could it not be, when they were each other’s firsts?

When Jisung was in primary school, a foreign boy was added to his class in the middle of the year. That boy, with freckles all over his face and round cheeks just like him, became his very first friend. Jisung had and has always have been a loner, preferring dealing with things on his own rather than going to others and ask for help. But with Felix, it was different. Well, they were pretty much alike, which made it all different.

The freckled boy had just moved in, oddly in the same street as Jisung, a couple houses down. Their parents met, as a _neighborhood welcoming_ , and somehow instantly got along. It made it all easier from that point. Probably having close birthdays helped with getting close.

They were together at school, at home, always got the same extracurricular activities… in one word: inseparable.

Jisung could still remember the next school year, when he got to celebrate his birthday at school, and suddenly the following day they were celebrating Felix’s. Until then, none of them had really realized their birthdays were _that_ close. They laughed so much about it, they kept on insisting to celebrate together, on the same day.

By the end of primary school, they were each other’s first best friend.

And then came middle school, where a lot of things changed.

Felix’s voice got deeper, and everyone was suddenly whipped for him. Jisung started to thrive off of attention and wanted everyone to be whipped for him. That didn’t pull them apart. Quite the contrary, actually. Felix would stay with Jisung so he could thrive off his own little fame. They came as a bundle; if you wanted one of them, you needed the other.

It had nothing to do with others. It was just them.

Maybe it was because of their one-day-apart birthdays, or the fact that they had so much in common. There was something pushing them to stay together, that gave them comfort within each other. Until that one year…

Third year of middle school. Felix grew a bit taller than Jisung, started to hang out with friends of his own… Of course, Jisung got insecure. What else could he do, when all of a sudden, his almost only friend was getting different and away at the same time? What topped it all, was when Felix came to their secret spot—the little cabin at the far end of Jisung’s garden—and told him he was going on a trip _back home_. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Wasn’t it home, here? Right here, in his house? Right there, with Jisung? And there come their very first fight. Their very first anger.

Jisung yelled, Felix yelled back. It was shouts over shouts, that the boys’ parents heard, and they had to come and get them away from each other, afraid that they’d resort to throwing hands.

Upon listening to the freckled boy’s parents, Jisung understood that they were going back to his hometown for a few weeks— _family issues_ , they said. He didn’t say anything when he met the boy’s sad eyes, but it kept him awake all night.

He had overreacted, and he realized it almost too late.

Felix was leaving his house, luggage rolling next to him, when Jisung ran in his pajamas towards him, tackling him into a bone crushing hug and cried his heart out.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I don’t hate you!” And Felix hugged him back, tears running down his cheeks.

Their first truest sorry.

Those two and a half weeks without Felix were insufferable. Jisung was bored to hell, and lonely. If he used to love being alone, he quickly realized he despised it now. Well, he loved being alone, with Felix. Not alone _alone_.

That’s probably what pushed him into saying those three words, when Felix came back from Australia.

Jisung had pleaded his parents to go to the airport to welcome Felix’s family. And when they had had enough of him, they agreed.

Waiting for the plane to land and the passengers to get out; it was a long wait for everyone, except for teen Jisung who was jumping on his feet like a six-year-old, impatient to hug his best friend.

So, as soon as he spotted the brown head between the other passengers, he ran. He ran at full speed towards him, bumping into other teens and even adults, getting reprimanded yet he couldn’t care less. He pushed people out of the way, and finally, after what felt like forever, he fell into his best friend’s arms and circled him tight enough that he wouldn’t ever leave.

“I love you!” He shouted, head already hidden in the other’s neck, his heart beating faster than when he was in P.E., cheeks probably redder than a tomato. But it was all worth it, when Felix hugged him back and said he loved him too.

They were each other’s first love.

What changed between them? Nothing. Because they said _I love you_ and not _will you be my boyfriend_. Which never happened.

It was the summer holidays before high school. They had gone to the beach together, building sandcastle and playing in the ocean or simply lying down on their towels and eating ice cream. Their parents weren’t far, yet far enough that they could talk freely without them hearing it.

“I’m not a boy,” Felix whispered out of the blue.

“What?”

“I don’t feel like I’m a boy.” Felix turned his head to the side, staring at Jisung with beaming eyes.

“What do you feel like, then?” Jisung turned completely towards his friend, one hand coming to his hair to push them out of the way. It was hiding the boy’s face.

“Nothing?” Felix chuckled a bit, awkwardness spilling out of it. “Something in-between, if that makes sense?”

“It does.” Jisung’s hand stayed on top of Felix’s head, caressing it a bit. “Want me to tell your parents?”

“I don’t wanna be referred as he.” The words finally leaving Felix’s mouth, it felt like a weight had suddenly left with it. Jisung couldn’t help but see the tears that were threatening to spill.

“What do you want to be referred as?” He was a bit unsure. Was it the way to ask? Would Felix feel offended? He didn’t want that. There were even more tears in the boy’s eyes. Jisung panicked, leaving his towel to go on Felix’s, hugging him tight.

“I don’t know. I just—I have no idea.” The boy hugged him back, one stray tear falling on Jisung’s shoulder. “Choose for me.”

“What?” The hug broke. “But I—”

“I trust you.”

“Let’s find out together, ok?” A compromise Felix accepted.

A compromise they honored once they got back to the city; locking themselves in Felix’s room, they looked up for _pronouns_. It wasn’t something Jisung thought he’d be doing one day in his life, but there he was, looking at Felix’s face changing every now and then when seeing sets of pronouns that was pleasing enough to try. Never had Jisung thought that something as simple as pronouns would make someone that happy.

“Star?” Jisung repeated when Felix finally decided on one.

“Yeah, that one. Star, and starry.” Felix nodded, even more sure of that choice after pronouncing it.

“Ok, so that’d be… I saw starry today, star was looking good. Right?” When the boy hugged him tight in response, Jisung guessed it was.

Talking to their parents about it was scarier than it should’ve been. But they were happy about it, that their children were trusting them enough to tell them. And so, from that day, Felix wasn’t a boy anymore. Felix was happier.

So, no. Jisung didn’t ask Felix to be his boyfriend. But he did ask starry to be his _partner_. Which made them laugh a bit too much—he really shouldn’t have asked that while watching a western movie.

Was it weird to enter high school and not be single? Yes. Did he like it? Immensely.

A few of their middle school friends were here too. None of them seemed surprised to see them hands intertwined.

“Who asked who first?” One of them shouted from the schoolyard

Jisung laughed a bit while looking at Felix, joining their friend group before answering; “I asked starry.”

“What?”

“That’s my… pronouns.” Felix held Jisung’s hand a bit tighter, suddenly scared stars friends wouldn’t be as supportive as stars parents.

“But that’s not—” One of them started, only to be pushed away by another one.

“How does that work, then?” The second one quickly said, trying to ignore the first one. Jisung and Felix smiled at each other, explaining the pronoun set with as much examples as they could.

Well, they did lose one or two friends that didn’t want to _bother with it_. But who cared, right? As long as they had each other at the end of the day, who cared?

High school was hard on them. They were all kids, and out of nowhere they had to do things on their own, lose their guidance and find out what they want their future to be. It was hard. And every year, it got harder.

Jisung’s family got torn apart, after his dad lost his job and they struggled with money for some time. His mom lost her smile, his dad lost his temper. Jisung lived more in Felix’s house than his own.

It was one of those night. His dad had drink just one bit too much and was yelling at himself. Jisung got scared when something was thrown against the wall. As he often did when it happened, he opened his bedroom’s window, pulling one of his bedsheets out of under his bed to throw it by the window, climbing down the house wall. When his bare feet finally had the grass underneath them, he ran. He wouldn’t cry this time. He ran with dry eyes, climbing on one of the bushes that separated him from Felix’s house. And then he finally stopped running, right under stars window, throwing random rocks at it. Texting starry would have been way easier, but did he even bring his phone with him?

Felix finally opened stars window, throwing bedsheets from it. And Jisung climbed up, letting his body fall on the carpeted floor of Felix’s bedroom. Only at that moment he allowed himself to cry.

“Sung…” The boy kneeled down beside him after closing the window, caressing his hair tenderly. “You could’ve at least put some socks on.” The two boys chuckled in their own world, Jisung’s tears stopping slowly.

It was one of those many nights that Jisung spent in stars bed, yet this time, he would never forget about it.

He was lying down in one of stars pajamas, as his own got torn when he climbed on that bush. Felix’s arms were circling his waist, stars head resting against his back. He felt his heart racing, only one thing on his head.

“Felix?” He murmured, unsure if star was asleep or not.

“Mmh?”

“Asleep?” Jisung looked at the clock on stars bedside table, it read 02:00AM.

“Not anymore,” star said half-awake.

“Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Jisung turned around, Felix’s hands now on his back instead of his stomach. They stared at each other for a few seconds, both of them leaning in and their lips meeting in the middle.

It was soft and tasted like cinnamon rolls. They were each other’s first kiss.

Since middle school, there was this one tradition that Felix and Jisung had.

Whatever how busy they were, they’d go on a coffee date every Wednesday. They would go after school, sitting at their favorite café and ordering two americanos and one cheesecake they’d share.

That tradition went on, the only differences was that now it wasn’t a _best friend date_.

They didn’t do much during those date. Drink, eat, study sometimes, share stories, listen to music… Nothing really happened during those, yet it was their dearest tradition.

They were known as _the best couple of the school_. Sure, some people thought it was weird for a “boy and a whatever Felix was” to be together—as they said. They couldn’t care less, once again.

Because they had each other, and they had their comfortable comfort.

Right in the middle of their high school life, Jisung’s parents decided to split up. The two weeks it took for them to settle things, Jisung stayed at Felix’s house. Stars parents were welcoming, and it gave them a glimpse of what it’s like to _live together_.

Felix always woke up first, preparing starself a bowl of cereals while waiting for Jisung to wake up. By the time he’d get awake, Felix would already be sitting at stars desk and going through stars notes for whatever subjects they had later that day. Then, they’d go to shower together—“save water, save time, it’s an all-win decision” Jisung had said one day. They showered a few times together throughout their childhood, so why would it be different now? Well, it got a lot different when Jisung first entered the bathroom and saw Felix’s defined abs. “Oh wow,” was the only thing he could articulate.

Sure, morning showers sometimes ended with a morning wood getting taken care of. What was so wrong in that? As long as Felix’s parents didn’t catch them yet…

Breakfast, morning shower, and then they were off to school. And once they got back _home_ , they’d either study, cuddle, or both at the same time. Nights were Jisung’s favorite part of the day; he got to sleep next to his lover, head flushed against stars chest, feeling stars breathing and heart beating. It reassured him. Felix was warmth and comfort.

One night, Jisung got woken up by Felix leaving the bed. It wasn’t unhabitual, but it still woke him up.

“Where you going?”

“Bathroom,” stars whispered, voice creaky.

Jisung opened his eyes slower than he wished, finally seeing stars state.

“Need help?” Felix chuckled at that question, standing still in front of stars own bed. “Come on, come here,” Jisung offered his hand, the other taking it and walking towards the bed.

Time slowed down for a moment, Felix kneeling on the edge of the bed, Jisung getting halfway up so he could kiss star, one hand on stars, the other on stars neck, caressing stars hair.

Star straddled him, the kiss heating up, hands roaming around and pajamas falling on the floor.

They were each other’s first time.

Jisung lived one week at his mom’s, one week at his dad’s, and one week at Felix’s. His months were always divided into them three, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because Felix was his lover, and he needed the comfort and warmth he got from starry, the same way Felix needed him.

They both graduated from high school but took different roads.

Felix decided to go to university, majoring in musicology. Jisung preferred stopping his studies there, taking a part time job at a coffee shop nearby his apartment. Sure, they rented an apartment together, so it was Felix’s too.

Felix would be the one to wake up first, preparing stars bowl of cereals. Some days, star’d wait until Jisung woke up, so they could shower and leave together, some other day star’d just leave a note on the fridge and go to his classes. Jisung loved the days he got to spend his mornings with Felix, to hear starry talk about stars upcoming uni day, to explain what he would do at the café he’s working at.

The café was midway from their apartment to the university, so most of the days it was filled with students, Jisung’s coworkers were mostly students too. Jisung loved it here; the place was decorated with succulents and other plants, soft pastel colors painting the walls, lo-fi music playing in the background. Once a week, they’d let one guy play the guitar in the shop instead of playing music. Jisung wasn’t always working on the day he was there, so he never really got to see him… until he got assigned this ship.

The boy was his age, majoring in musicology and passionate about becoming a musician. He did some busking during the weekend and got paid to play in the shop every Wednesday. Which is why Jisung never really got to see him, as every Wednesday he was on a date with Felix in another café.

“Jisung, can you work all week next week?” His boss asked.

“Ugh, yeah? I guess, I don’t really have a choice,” he chuckled a bit, looking around the shop before taking his apron and going to work.

When he got home, Felix wasn’t there. He put up a note on the fridge; ‘ **Can’t go on a date next week, reschedule?** ’ and then he went to take a long shower and prepare dinner.

They didn’t reschedule. Felix simply showed up at the café on a Wednesday, sitting next to the counter so star could talk with Jisung every now and then. But Jisung found himself being distracted by the boy playing the guitar at the far end of the shop.

Felix left after around an hour, suddenly remembering an essay star had to write. Jisung got left alone again—if you could consider yourself alone when surrounded by coworkers and clients. And for once he got to see that guitarist up close.

The boy had just ended another song, leaving his stool to go to the counter; “Hey, hi. Can I get a mocha?”

Jisung’s body stopped working for an instant, eyes set on the guitarist before he finally got hold of his body again. He nodded, preparing the drink and then handing it to him, his customer service smile in full display. “You play good.”

“Oh, thank you! I haven’t seen you much since I started working here.” He took the drink out of Jisung’s hands, sitting at the counter. “My name’s Seungmin.”

“Nice to meet you, Seungmin. I’m Jisung,” the boy said before noticing it was written on his name tag. One embarrassed chuckle and then it hit him. “Wait, you said ‘working here’? Does that mean we’re coworkers?”

“I guess it does, yeah.”

And that was it.

The beginning of their fall—if there was a fall.

Wednesday dates dropped from every week to every two weeks, until it stopped completely. Jisung worked every shift, Felix was too busy studying; it was a common agreement to stop them.

Seungmin was nice. Seungmin was a great guitarist, and Jisung found himself lost in thoughts listening to him. And Jisung found himself realizing something.

One evening, after his shift, Jisung was left alone with Seungmin.

“Wanna go grab dinner?” The guitarist asked, one hand pointing at the streets.

“Sure, lemme text Felix real quick.” Jisung took his phone out, walking next to the guitarist.

“So, he’s your boyfriend?”

“Star. Felix’s pronouns are star. And yes. Felix’s my… significant other.” Jisung was expecting Seungmin to look at him weird, that didn’t happen. He simply apologized for using the wrong pronouns and the conversation went on. With Seungmin one step further away from him. And that was what made Jisung realize.

How much he wanted Seungmin to be closer to him. How attractive Seungmin was, when the streetlight illuminated him in the middle of the streets, or when he ordered for them, at the diner, voice a bit nasally yet singsong-y.

That night, Jisung got back home with a defeated look on his face even Felix saw it from the sofa.

“Hey, love, what’s wrong?”

It was hard to admit the next few words. Hard enough it made him cry before he could even talk. Felix sat him on the sofa, caressing his hair and his back, trying to find what was putting him in that state.

“Was it work?” Jisung shook his head no. “Your parents?” He shook his head again. “Your boss?” He shook his head harder, shushing Felix for a moment. “It’s ok. Take your time, love.” Jisung put his head on stars shoulder, breathing deep and closing his eyes before speaking in a trembling voice.

“I don’t love you.”

What was the hardest? Saying it, or facing the truth? Probably the fact that Felix easily agreed with him.

They were warmth and comfort. They weren’t love. Because Felix was Jisung’s best friend, and Jisung was Felix’s best friend. What was love, was what bubbled inside of Jisung’s stomach whenever his eyes laid on Seungmin, the warmth he felt not in his chest only but in his whole body. Felix and Seungmin weren’t the same to Jisung. And none of them would deny it.

Jisung couldn’t help but look at the sad eyes on Felix’s face, wondering if he had just broke stars eyes. He regretted it all. Jisung wished he could go back in time and never say anything to starry, or to never meet Seungmin if that would help.

“How did you find out?” Stars voice was low, as if star couldn’t even believe it was happening.

And Jisung was honest. He told starry about Seungmin, about what he felt. Felix simply nodded stars head, one hand going from his back to his arm.

“Did you know?” Jisung asked. “That it wasn’t love?” When Felix nodded stars head again, he felt his heart sank. “When?”

“Remember in high school, when we had sex for the first time?” Jisung shifted on the sofa so he could lay down, on top of starry, humming so star would keep talking. “Well, that’s when I knew. I have nothing else to say.” Star kept stars hand in his hair, tangling a few strands around stars fingers.

“You knew for years and didn’t say anything?” Jisung was about to get up, but Felix’s hand kept him in place. “You stayed with me for my great performances in bed, right?” He chuckled.

“Exactly.” Felix couldn’t help but laugh louder than star should, stars heart sank a bit.

“What are we, then?” Jisung asked, his head still on stars lap, eyes closed when star ran stars nails against his scalp softly.

“Best friends, as we’ve always been.” Felix leaned forward a bit, pressing stars lips against Jisung’s forehead. “With some benefits, I’d say.”

Laugh echoed throughout their living room.

“Now, tell me more about that Seungmin guy. I’ll help you get his heart.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick reminder, that Felix uses star/starry pronouns and to use those if referring to starry in the comments or anywhere if you're talking about this work. Thank you ♡
> 
> find more work on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/softflowermin) :]  
> you can also ask question related to my works on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/softflowermin)!


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